Saturday, 11 June 2011

Cramp my pride!

Passing your driving test is exhilarating, the sense of freedom is fantastic, being able to go wherever you want for the first time without any boundaries, providing you can afford the insurance and rising petrol prices these days, is a wonderful feeling for a young man to experience. So, why, I ask, do some young men decide to make their cars look like pure and utter shit? Do they not feel embarrassed rolling around in a 10 year old Corsa that looks like it has mated with a virus ridden transformer?

I admit, if done properly, 'souping up' a motor can look pretty sweet, but if done on job seekers allowance or government college grants it simply does not!

These crazy kids also love a massive exhaust! It looks like they've strapped a dustbin to the back of their car and drilled a couple of holes in to it. This results in the desired effect of sounding like a South African stadium full to the brim with Vuvuzala's whilst achieving a hefty cruising speed of 20mph! Ultimately making you look and sound wicked cool!

Almost all of these cars are equip with a spoiler, (spoiler being aptly named, i think!) normally consisting of a piece of stolen MDF, painted and glued to the boot having almost no impact to the cars streamlining capabilities at all! Why a car needs side skirts is beyond me too, it just seems like a lot of money to waste on something that'll get torn off by one of the many speed bumps that litter Britain's roads.

The stereo systems are super impressive as well, shaking the ground like Rick Waller fell out of bed! Normally poisoning our ears with some kind of Eastern European techno/rave compilation CD, that is 2 hours of pure and unrelenting beats, man! Tinted windows are also a massively important ingredient to the 'shit car recipe', most probably to hide your lobster red face from Joe public, or to stop you from seeing the fits of laughter that other roads users are in as your Nova rocks up to the lights!

There is nothing cool about buying a £700 car, and spending a further 1-2K on making it look like fallout from nuclear war in a Need For Speed game! Cars that are designed specifically by the manufacturers to look sporty, normally are, so please put the Fiesta away and leave it to the professionals! Now just sit back and enjoy the exhilaration that driving brings to you, without that sorry excuse of tin you call a ride!

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