Monday, 13 June 2011

Commuter says no.

I absolutely hate travelling to work on public transport. Give me the option and I'd far rather spend lots of money on diesel and sit in traffic then get on a packed train with all the other sheep! At least then you're in your own space, comfortable and in control.

Trains, trams and buses would be great if it wasn't for one little thing... everybody else! During rush hour they are a most impracticable yet unavoidable pain in the arse. You have to shuffle along like cattle led to slaughter, stand for ages on a overcrowded platform, or in the rain at poorly sheltered bus stops, then bundle on to the train or bus only to be squished and squeezed into one of the most awkward positions ever, tucked in nicely under someone's sweaty armpit. Then, to add insult to a very likely injury, you are repeatedly poked, pushed and nudged by people you don't even know, who think it's okay for them not to apoligise for scratching your eyeballs with their free newspaper!

If you're lucky enough to grab yourself a seat, then you are almost guaranteed to have an elbow wrestling match for the arm rest, or the even more pleasurable experience of having a stranger sleep on your shoulder!


In the summer trains are like saunas, and in the winter like freezers. The smell is a very noxious mixture of sweat, alcohol and homeless people's socks, which is extremely off putting! Buses normally come with a complimentary group of hoodies attached to the rear seats who play tinny rap music from they're, more than likely, stolen phones. Pushchairs, crying children and all to easily excitable and rowdy school kids often play a crucial role in making your daily commute less enjoyable than a funeral.

Now, don't think you can escape the fun, by having a little nap, because it's very probable that you could end up with no possessions left, or being happy slapped!

When you finally reach your destination, if nobody else fancies getting off, you have to fight your way past these unfriendly and unhelpful members of society who are either too stuck to move or too engrossed in their papers, books or music to even notice that you have said "excuse me, please" un-teen times! Then if you were quick enough to reach the doors when they were open, you are either ejected like some sort of ballistic and shot onto the platform or pavement as you rapidly pat yourself down to check if you still own what you owned when you boarded, or you are met with even more people who are too impatient to wait for you to get off before they start piling on in like some sort of crazed rugby game!

Out of rush hour, these problems rarely occur, but you still manage to encounter different nuisances. The most common one being, when sat in a train carriage with almost all the seats unoccupied without fail, some moron will still want to next to you, or is that just me? Maybe I have a stranger magnet in my bag that just attracts these people!

Unfortunately, all of us have to use these services at some point in our lives, and it's bound to get worse before it gets better. So I suppose we'll all have to just grin and bear it until then invent some sort of flying Jetson mobile or Teleportation, and I for one, can't wait!